Did I Ever Tell You That I Don't Like Roller - Coasters???

I wish I could begin this blog by saying that I haven’t written much, because not much has been happening around here – but apparently that wouldn’t be my life right now!!! A LOT has been going on in the Blair home, but as always God has shown Himself even greater. So to spare you an entire book of writing, I’ll give you the ‘Reader’s Digest’ version… I have to admit – I LOVE that magazine, each story is about 3-4 pages long and I feel like I’ve gained enough knowledge to hold a decent adult conversation and sound semi-smart. It’s my trade secret, really. Also, I have a REALLY hard time focusing on anything longer than that… now you know the truth! I’m ADD – I think – but really, aren’t we all?

So… Let me catch you up:
As many of you know, Ted’s older brother Tim (2 yrs older), has been struggling with cancer on and off for about 3 years. It looked like he had it conquered until last year when it came back with a vengeance. Last fall we got the dreaded call that Tim would have about 6 months to live so as a family, we decided to take a road trip to Florida and spend our last Christmas with him. It was a sad but special time… I’m so glad we went. Then in February, we got the news that Ted also has cancer. A different type, but the same deadly disease. So our plans of sending Ted to Florida a couple more times to see his brother were quickly put away. Over the next couple of months we had to focus on Ted’s care and since Tim was pretty stable, we did not feel an urgency to fly Ted back to FL yet. Until 5 weeks ago when Ted had it on his heart that he needed to go see his brother ASAP. We scheduled the trip to fall between Ted’s chemo treatments. Of course, I had to go also, to care for him and make sure he didn’t get sick while on the trip. (really, he just needed a door-opening, luggage-carrying, car-driving woman by his side ;)) Anyways, I stressed out with the amount it was going to cost for the two of us to fly to FL., plus the basic concerns of Ted’s health outside of our comfort zone, and my body decided to second that motion and render me physically useless for the next week and a half. Then God (as ALWAYS) absolutely provided for us through some precious friends and our trip was set!

Here is where my head starts spinning out of control…

So we safely made it to Florida. AFTER I had an airport security pat me down because the electric toothbrush in my purse - that I threw in last minute - sent the alarm off and they had to search ALL my stuff to make sure it wasn’t really a bomb. Of course, me in my fragile state that I am in - started to cry like a baby and the guard just stared at me and so I explained that it’s not his fault – I’m just stressed out… I don’t know if he really cared or not, but I felt like it was my duty to ease his conscience!

Thankfully, I was able to walk again by the time we were in our hotel room, and for the first half of our week things went smoothly. We had a great time hanging out at Tim’s house. He was very frail and in some pain from the tumor on his neck, which had recently given him double vision in addition to all the other symptoms it had caused. He looked quite different from our visit in December, so I’m glad my girls have memories of him from back then. So for the first 3 days we hung around the house, Ted spent time hanging out in Tim’s room (which Tim rarely left) …talking, sitting, watching TV. Then Wednesday, in the middle of the night, Ted was burning hot. It was 3:30am and I didn’t know where the nearest hospital was – didn’t even occur to me to find out earlier. Now, technically, Ted is supposed to go to the hospital if his temp is 100.5 or higher. He felt HOT. all over.

To spare you the details, we prayed and waited it out. In hindsight, this was dumb. Thursday night and Friday night were the same high fevers. During the day he was okay, for the most part, but at night he was spiking pretty high. However by Saturday, when we were to fly home, Ted was feeling really bad – all day. We missed our flight by 15 minutes so we were on stand-by for the next flight. That we got on the flight was a miracle of God, because they were overbooked on all of the flights until that night. It was only 7:00am – I didn’t think Ted would last much longer. He was sitting in the hot sun shining through the airport windows, with a coat on and shaking with chills. I was scared for my husband and just wanted to be home where I know the doctors, hospitals, pharmacies… so God took care of us.

Sunday, Monday and Tuesday were much of the same. High fevers (102.9), chills, coughing fits, shallow breaths. We hit the ground running! The whole week was filled with doctor’s appointments, x-rays, CAT scans, blood tests, breathing tests, lung specialists… While in Fl., we were afraid that Ted had contacted an infection of some kind. The scans showed lung damage in the top portion of Ted’s lungs which was either due to an infection or one of his chemo’s. By the time we met with our Oncologist again, on Friday, he was leaning more towards the chemo rather than an infection. Now mind you, all week we (the Oncologist, Pulmonary specialist and us) were looking for anything from Tuberculosis to Pneumonia to Bronchitis. Because of the shortness of breath, coughing and fevers, this is what it was narrowed down to… or the chemo. The medicine combinations our doctor gave us on Saturday, were now pointing more towards the chemo (Bleomycin) - something Ted had dreaded since the beginning of his treatments. This particular chemo has a possible side effect of hardening the lungs – permanently.

So we have prayed and prayed. This was very scary news for Ted.

Monday we met with the Pulmonary specialist again, and after he examined Ted he was very pleased with how good his breathing sounds. So good in fact, that he really believes that Ted’s lungs will have an almost complete recovery – something that even he was surprised about. Thank The Lord.

This is where our rollercoaster ride continues on… While we were meeting with the lung doctor, Ted received a text from his sister that their brother was not doing good and the ambulance was at the house to transport him to hospice.

Unfortunately, Tim was only at hospice for an hour when he died. I believe he waited for us to come out and see him. It was also his goal to make it to his next birthday. Tim turned 42 on Sunday... he made it!

We celebrate, we cry… and I’m exhausted.

Stitches and Stuff

Thank you for agreeing in prayer with us this past Tues. about the possible infection in Ted's port. We went in to see Dr. White - who put his port in - and he stitched the hole up right there in the office. We are keeping an eye on it for a week, along with antibiotics, to make sure it heals and shows signs of improvement . Next Tues. we will see Dr. White again and if there is no positive change, then he will remove it and put it into the other side. So we are still praying that God will heal this because, right now, Ted's body can't do it on it's own...

Tomorrow (Fri) we will go get Ted's first PET scan since he has started the chemo. I don't want to get my hopes up b/c Lymphoma is a slower cancer to kill... but I'm excited to see how the cancer is responding to the chemo! Poor Ted is pretty exhausted this week - with the extra doctor visits (3 of them), he hasn't been able to lay around and rest like he has in the past. But thank the Lord, all things considered, he's doing really well right now ... and so am I.


I'm, as always, so VERY thankful for each of you.
~hugs~
Nikol

Okay... since I'm a novice at this blogging thing, OF COURSE I put all my posts in a wrong order!!! I wouldn't be me without a few mistakes on here! My newest one is a few posts down, it's called: Shaving his head and other news. So please read it and skip over the emails I sent out... if you've already read them.

~Nikol

Original Email #3

Here's the final email... I really hope to be more consistent in updating everyone on what is happening over here in our family.

Thank your for praying for us and loving on us - I'm eternally grateful.
~Nikol

Email #3
Yesterday went really well. We got to the Cancer Center at 11:00 and got home around 4:30. It was a long day and they had to inject Ted with 4 different types of chemo (apparently this is standard procedure...) and of course, each one has it's own paperwork to read and sign off on :) Ted felt sick the rest of the night, but thankfully he was able to eat a decent size meal and keep it down. I'm not sure if he was feeling sick from nerves or if it was already the meds in his body? Today we go to the hospital for his routine follow-up blood booster shot. The nurse describes the pain as anything from an ache in his bones to intense pain shooting in his bones (thigh, hips, sternum, back , shoulders) and lasting about 24 hours. I know this made Ted feel a little uneasy. All these unknowns and "possible" side effects are a bit intimidating and nerve racking until he goes through it himself to see how his own body will respond and then he can really be prepared for the following appointments. The GREAT news is that they were able to fully identify the cancer as Hodgkins, stage 2B! Also, Hodgkins has 4 sub-categories of strands and Ted has the most common of those, so it has the best treatment all around! Praise the Lord! This is really wonderful news.

Thank you so much for checking on us and praying! My stomach was a ball of nerves yesterday during the treatment, and still is today. I did not expect to feel this way! I guess I've been waiting for this day since we first heard the news that Ted has cancer, and wondering how his body will respond so I can know how our new life will be for the next 7 months or so. I'm praying that I've anticipated and prepared enough for the adjustments that will inevitably take place over the next 7-8 months. I feel like I have a test coming up and I haven't studied enough!

My precious girls have been so amazing and patient and helpful, while we put our lives on hold for the last 2 1/2 weeks. Hopefully, I will be able to get some routine back into their lives. Noel understands the seriousness of this a little more than Summer and has had a few nights of feeling scared. Ted and I have tried to prepare them for what to expect in the upcoming months - and we are believing God to take care of their hearts and minds as they see changes in their daddy's body.

Original Email #2

Here are the emails I sent out a few weeks ago... I'm just adding them to my blog to keep everything in one place! ...it's the organizer in me :)

Email #2
We are getting treatment at the new Richardson Regional Cancer Center off of George Bush & Renner. It just opened in October and is beautiful. Our Oncologist is Dr. Sam Bibawi - so far a great man. He used to work at M.D. Anderson Cancer Center in Houston. And from what we've been told, they are going to rotate Dr.'s from that center and this center to help keep it state of the art and on the cutting edge. We have a precious friend of the family that is an Oncologist Nurse and about to graduate as a nurse practitioner in the field of Oncology. She works at the Baylor Dallas unit and was trying to get us to treat Ted there. She even spoke with a nurse of one of the best doctors there. I really wanted Ted to go there... but our family doctor had recommended Dr. Bibawi and as Ted did research on him, he really felt like God gave him a peace about this Doctor. Also he is a leader in the study of blood diseases in the field of Oncology (which Lymphoma is a blood cancer) and writes articles and teaches about his findings. However, we agreed that once we met him in person, if either of us felt uneasy about Dr. Bibawi, then we would look at the other doctor @ Baylor. I have to tell you that our first time in the clinic when we met with him, he was so kind and open and hopeful... I was really impressed - with him and his nurse and really, all the people working there. Immediately, you feel like you are a part of a new family. I even told Ted how much it felt they way we hope our church makes visitors feel - it was amazing... you actually want to go back!!! lol!

Yesterday we had a great experience and confirmation that God is in control of this whole situation. First of all, we were treated so kindly by all of the nurses in the OR prep room. Really, I think they felt sorry for us since this was the 3rd time we'd been there in a week! Never the less, it was nice to have such good attention after the schedule changes and confusion. Secondly, one of the nurses spent some time with us and shared how she had Non-Hodgkins Lymphoma. She had to treat it 3 different times b/c it came back, but since her last treatment, she has been cancer free for 5 yrs. We really appreciated her honesty with us. Finally, Ted's surgeon, the second option since the first one was away b/c of a death in his family, Dr. Gary White was a God send. He came to talk to us one more time before Ted was taken to the Operating Room. He had heard that we were pastors and asked if he could pray with us before the surgery. We all three took hands and he prayed an amazing prayer that I know just glorified Christ! Ted and I were blown away! We were also reminded at that moment that God knows exactly what is going on and if we continue to trust HIM, then HE WILL direct our paths. Wow. What a great God we serve! I was so excited to know that our surgeon was a man of God first and that he used his gifts to honor God. So even though yesterday was physically exhausting, it was spiritually invigorating.

So, Friday will be the first round of Chemo. We will go and get Ted’s lungs tested at the hospital and then come back to the Cancer Center and begin the treatments. This will be a very long day. The nurse said that it will be about 6 hours. On Saturday, we will go back again and they will give Ted a booster shot to help his blood cell count go back up, hopefully by the time of the next chemo treatment in 2 weeks.

Do you know how God has shown Himself to us the most? …Through each of you with your love and kindness. You have reflected Christ in a way that has caught us off guard and left Ted and I speechless... and at times, even in tears. We are forever grateful for you all.

Love and Hugs,
Nikol (and Ted!)

Shaving his head and other news

As you probably discovered from my first post, my husband has cancer. Even though it's been a little over a month since we first heard the word attached to his name, I still don't like typing it out. or saying it. And this week I'm even having a hard time talking about it. This week I've been on the edge of tears on a daily basis. I guess my emotions are trying to get the best of me. I guess I'm struggling watching my sweet husband try to relax and he can't because his body hurts, and we shaved his head - so that 's a constant reminder that he's battling something that wants to kill his body. I think the shaved head has been the hardest part for me. My husband still looked healthy when he had all his hair. Even though the same battle was going on inside of his body - his outside didn't show it. And this round of treatment was much worse than the first round... it's left him really sick. And he's having night sweats again which makes me scared. I'm being honest here. I TRUST God. I LOVE God. But I am human, and I still feel afraid at times. This is one of those times.

I'm also so broken to hear about Ted's brother who is also battling cancer - and not winning.

But through it all, I know that GOD is GOOD. HE carries my heart and I know that he will give me strength and courage to face the days that seem too hard to face. God has also blessed me and my family with incredible friends and church family who have helped lessen the burdens of life in so many ways. I see Jesus in all of their acts of love for us. It encourages me so much and reminds me that I am not alone. I'm leaning on their love and strength, and they have been so good not to ask anything from me... because I don't think I have anything to give right now. I can't wait until I'm on the other side of this being a pillar of strength and encouragment for someone else who can't stand on their own. I think I like that side better!

The other night I was talking with my oldest daughter and she was saying that she's a little nervous for when daddy was going to get "really" sick. I told her that he's there! This is the sickness we had been preparing them for since we first found out about the cancer. I was blown away that God has shielded her little heart from seeing all of the hard times that Ted is experiencing. I told her that she's seeing so much good that God is bringing to our lives through all of this, that it has made the bad times not feel so bad. I was praising God that night for being so good and for allowing my girls to see MORE of HIM and less of the sickness.

Thank you to all of our sweet friends for helping to carry this burden. You are SO much more of a blessing to us than you will ever know.

I am forever grateful.

Love and Hugs,
Nikol

My first post

Okay,
So I'm going to try my hand at putting together a blog... Really, I'm using this as a way for friends and family to know what is going on in my corner of the world and with so much going on right now, this saves me from being "stuck" on the computer all day repeating all the same information. I'm posting my first 3 emails that I sent out as a spring board for this blog... the real reason I'm even blogging! I feel pretty intimidated even making a blog after months of being a fan of some other bloggers who write so beautifully and heart felt. I hope I do this blogging world justice!

Well, here is a copy of my email #1:

Hello wonderful church family, I am writing with a sad heart. As some of you may know, over the last several months Pastor Ted has had a concerning pain in his chest, right arm and neck. He went to the doctors last week and ran some tests and then was sent out for a CAT scan on Monday. Our doctor called this week with a serious diagnosis that Ted has Lymphoma Cancer. Ted is scheduled for a biopsy on Monday so they can pinpoint the exact type of Lymphoma it will also determine the treatment and extent of the cancer. The treatment will include chemo and radiation. Please, please be in prayer for Ted and our family as we are still trying to process what all of this means. We will let you know anything as it comes up so you will know how to pray specifically. I can tell you this… this is an opportunity for God to show himself BIG in our life and in the kingdom of God. This in no way changes the call of God on our lives or the mission God has put before us as a church body. We are holding on to hope in Christ and though we will go through some hard times ahead – our faith and trust in the goodness of Christ will not be shaken.
Please be in prayer with us and let YOUR faith and love for Christ grow stronger. And I challenge and encourage you to NOT take your walk with God lightly… SHOW UP for church on Sunday mornings, GET INVOLVED in a Life team – a LIFE support group, READ your Bible daily, PRAY and talk with God throughout your days. Don’t be a half-hearted Christian, give God ALL of YOU.
Romans 12:12 Be joyful in hope, patient in affliction, faithful in prayer.
Romans 15:13 May the God of hope fill you with all joy and peace as you trust in him, so that you may overflow with hope by the power of the Holy Spirit.
Hebrews 10:23 Let us hold unswervingly to the hope we profess, for he who promised is faithful.
Hebrews 6:10-12 10God is not unjust; he will not forget your work and the love you have shown him as you have helped his people and continue to help them. 11We want each of you to show this same diligence to the very end, in order to make your hope sure. 12We do not want you to become lazy, but to imitate those who through faith and patience inherit what has been promised.

Trusting in Christ and so thankful for each of you,
Nikol