Shaving his head and other news

As you probably discovered from my first post, my husband has cancer. Even though it's been a little over a month since we first heard the word attached to his name, I still don't like typing it out. or saying it. And this week I'm even having a hard time talking about it. This week I've been on the edge of tears on a daily basis. I guess my emotions are trying to get the best of me. I guess I'm struggling watching my sweet husband try to relax and he can't because his body hurts, and we shaved his head - so that 's a constant reminder that he's battling something that wants to kill his body. I think the shaved head has been the hardest part for me. My husband still looked healthy when he had all his hair. Even though the same battle was going on inside of his body - his outside didn't show it. And this round of treatment was much worse than the first round... it's left him really sick. And he's having night sweats again which makes me scared. I'm being honest here. I TRUST God. I LOVE God. But I am human, and I still feel afraid at times. This is one of those times.

I'm also so broken to hear about Ted's brother who is also battling cancer - and not winning.

But through it all, I know that GOD is GOOD. HE carries my heart and I know that he will give me strength and courage to face the days that seem too hard to face. God has also blessed me and my family with incredible friends and church family who have helped lessen the burdens of life in so many ways. I see Jesus in all of their acts of love for us. It encourages me so much and reminds me that I am not alone. I'm leaning on their love and strength, and they have been so good not to ask anything from me... because I don't think I have anything to give right now. I can't wait until I'm on the other side of this being a pillar of strength and encouragment for someone else who can't stand on their own. I think I like that side better!

The other night I was talking with my oldest daughter and she was saying that she's a little nervous for when daddy was going to get "really" sick. I told her that he's there! This is the sickness we had been preparing them for since we first found out about the cancer. I was blown away that God has shielded her little heart from seeing all of the hard times that Ted is experiencing. I told her that she's seeing so much good that God is bringing to our lives through all of this, that it has made the bad times not feel so bad. I was praising God that night for being so good and for allowing my girls to see MORE of HIM and less of the sickness.

Thank you to all of our sweet friends for helping to carry this burden. You are SO much more of a blessing to us than you will ever know.

I am forever grateful.

Love and Hugs,
Nikol